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“You honestly have to think what game developers are smoking when they think up games like this. Flight simulators would've had a great birth, but with games like Top Gun (NES) and this, the birth was a rotten one. While Top Gun was the bad mother who smoked too much pot prior to birth and doesn't spank her kids if they did something wrong, F-16 Fighting Falcon is the abusive dad that beats his kids silly because he's always drunk and doesn't care, and is in fact the sort of dad who always gets in crap with coppers and child protection services because the kid isn't safe with him. I'd hate to be his son...
In fact, this game haunted my childhood, shouldn't that be enough? Nope. We all have to take a trip back to the past and relive it in some form, and sure, why not look back at this? Oh, I don't know...it sucks, maybe? I hated it as a 2 year old and I freaking hate it as a 16 year old...
So anyway, what does F-16 Fighting Falcon do wrong? Well, just about everything! I mean when you load up the game,...”
“First, I'll start with saying that there is no reason to even mention graphics with this game. It's casino tables of different card and dice games with very limited animation. The graphics serve their purpose and there isn't much flare. If you were actually looking at a casino table...that's what you'd see in the game.
You start out by creating a player and name. Then you can go and set up your environment with settings that include background noise and music, animations, player attitudes(whether or not they get chit-chatty...which only slows the game pace down and become irritating rather quickly). Then you get to decide whether or not you want to go through the tutorial mode. If you choose not to, you can turn it on at any point if you decide to play a game that you've never played before.
You then get set loose on the casino floor right into the action and get to choose what game you want to play. You can enter and leave games whenever you want, even in the middle of one and your progress and...”
“'Green Elf is about to die.'
No, I'm not referencing one of Ninty's many Legend of Zelda games. This is one of many soundbytes that would ring out In Gauntlet II as the player's life slowly seeped away to nothing. This was the tension raising moment where you knew you needed to find that next lot of food before your onscreen character breathed his or her last.
Gauntlet II is an overhead dungeon adventure of sorts, where you are tossed into a series of dungeons for some reason. Unfortunately the game makes no attempt to actually explain the reasons ingame. You just crawl through dungeon floor after dungeon floor fighting monsters until you retire from the game. This also means that the characters themselves don't present any kind of a backstory or personality. Who is this warrior? Nobody knows, because as far as the player is concerned he's just some tough guy tossing axes around.
Before playing you get the option of picking one of four characters to use. There is the warrior, the valkyrie, the...”
“Ah, I remember the first time I saw the Bioshock Teaser. Now more than two years ago, it showed an absolutely creepy game with all the basics a horror game needed. It had little girls, A huge beast with a drill-screw for a hand, and even some good old fashioned shotgun action. Me being a PS3 owner, I had to wait 3 years instead of 2 for this masterpiece to come out. The game was worth the wait. On October 21, 2008 I was introduced to the exciting world of rapture.
You start out on a mysterious plane, not sure of your destination, when suddenly it crashes out in the middle of the Atlantic. You are the lone survivor, and as you climb back to the surface of the water, gasping for air, all that can be seen is a tower in front of you. Having no place else to go, I swam toward the immerse tower. I was greeted by a banner, "No gods or kings, only man" and from that moment I knew I was in for some frightening images.
Bioshock is classified as a action horror shooter, and for good reason, the game is not only...”
“Metal Storm is one of those games that was very well designed and didn't really have anything wrong with it. Hell, I consider it to be perfect! The only problem was lack of advertising. I don't know about you, but I don't remember seeing any adverts for Metal Storm on Youtube or anything. The only bit of advertising I remember was the cover of an issue of Nintendo Power (issue number escapes me atm), but I guess it could only do so much; as in get a few people to buy it and play it, but then not care about later on, and I'm bloody spewing! After buying this game off Ebay and playing through it, I was amazed at how great this game is! Don't believe me? Read the review.
Story: There isn't really much of a story. From what I can tell, evil robots are about to destroy the world, and you're the only thing standing between the evil robot and destruction. It's up to you, an M-308 gunner, to stop the evil robots. It's not really much of a story, but it works fine. As an 8-bit game, the story is not going to...”
“Is the PS3 blowing your mind a little TOO much? Is the Wii just too high-tech for your tastes? Are you just looking for an inexpensive handheld system for yourself, or little brother Billy? Then why don't you kick it old-school with a good old reliable Game Boy Color? "Are there any good games for it?" you might ask. Well, yes, in fact there are. And Harry Potter's adventures in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets might be the perfect choice for you.
To those who miss the days before everything had to be 3D, Chamber of Secrets is a good dose of nostalgia. It proves to anyone skeptical about detail on such a small screen that some details can be given in as little as five pixels. Best of all, it relies more on packing in features more than creating unnecessarily flashy graphics, which leads to more fun playing and less worrying if the game really WILL crash.
Sure, compared to anything that came after it on a handheld system, Chamber of Secrets' graphics look positively crude. But it is a great...”
“Most people say that most movie-based games are horrible NES games that have no redeeming factors, except for Batman. Well, Batman is not the only exception on the NES; meet Journey To Silius. Journey To Silius is technically a game based on the first Terminator movie, but since Terminator 2 was on its way while this game was too, the developers (Sunsoft) lost the licence and had to make something up. There are still remnants of the movie in the game (ie. some of the music and the final boss), but other than that, it was just something Sunsoft made up on the spot, so technically, it is kind of a movie-based game, but at the same time, it's an original game too. Don't understand? Neither do I. But anyway, onto the review.
Story: The beginning scene shows that the Jay's (the main character) dad has died after years of developing a space colony. The news report said that his death was an accident, but the main character figures out that it was robot terrorists that killed his dad. Simple stuff, but a...”
“Soul Calibur 2 was the first Soul Calibur to be released after the fall of the Dreamcast. Many would say that Soul Calibur died with the Dreamcast, but they might be thinking of Sonic, because Soul Calibur isn't dead yet (though there is one crappy spin-off game on the Wii). Judging by the reviews and responses from gamers and gaming sites, Soul Calibut 2 shows that the series won't be dying anytime soon.
There are two stories in the game - usual Soul Calibur story that takes place after the last Soul Calibur game on the Dreamcast, and the one in the Weapon Master mode. The story for Soul Calibur 2 as a whole is that it's been 4 years since the events of Soul Calibur 1 (so...1591). Warriors who have come in contacts with fragments of either Soul Edge or Soul Calibur (two legendary swords with inhuman power - the wielder gaining inhuman strength from them), they seek to either destroy or possess Soul Edge. It's basically a tale of souls and swords clashing with one another. Yep...no shadow realm in...”
“Heh, I like the closing comment relating the games to steak and a burger. The game sounds fairly interesting aside from the massive glitching that seems to occur. Great review.”
“I guess it would be the worst game I've ever played. I've never played the Ghostbusters game you reviewed. Seems we both picked on some really terrible products. Thanks Offendr.”
“Sounds like a cool game. Shame how awkward it can be to hold the thing, but then that seems to be a common trait for DS titles that use the touchscreen a lot. Nice review.”
“Fable II sounds like a rather enjoyable experience. The extra little touches make it seem like more than just another action RPG too. Great review there. I felt like I got a lot out of it.”
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